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HE WHO DRIVES WELL ON THE FAIRWAY
MAY NOT FAIR WELL ON THE DRIVEWAY
In the ill-lust-rious United States of America the Lesley Madison Agency has commissioned giant billboards that proclaim, "Life is Short, Have and Affair." The owner of this so-called dating emporium claims support from Doctor Phil, Larry King and Good Morning America; presumably David Letterman and Tiger Woods are high profile customers. My Irish grandmother would speculate that Ms. Ashley Madison [whomsoever she might be] is afflicted with legs like an Edwardian sideboard, i.e. legs that spend their life way, way too far apart...
Of course, the problem of adultery is not just limited to the USA; in fact, adultery is a many-faceted global affliction which typically precipitates the destruction of human relationships.
Remember the story of Jesus and his arch-enemies the Pharisees?
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Jesus is presented with a woman "caught in the very act of adultery" [John 8:1-11] and He is pressed upon the issue of stoning the woman to death for this offence. Jesus shames the crowd into dispersing with the famous dare for anyone presumptuous enough to consider himself sinless to throw the first stone, coupled with some apparently embarrassing information written in the dirt, and the brutal execution is averted. Jesus had compassion for the woman, while not condoning her behaviour, and I am quite certain He was well aware of the multiple hypocrisies that were in play at the time. Back then in 31 AD, it was obviously all the woman's fault [that is still the case in some Christian faith groups - and you know well who you are!] because this poor embarrassed woman was caught by the Pharisees with the penis of a man [who was not her husband] firmly implanted in her vagina. Apologies to the faint of heart for the graphic description, but that is what "in the very act" means.
My question has always been, "So... Where was the owner of the penis? Should not he face the angry, rock-hurling mob alongside his latest conquest?" Apparently not, at least back then; it appears that the man was tempted beyond endurance by this promiscuous wench, who like Ms. Lesley Madison was afflicted with legs like an 'Edwardian sideboard'. Examine the picture of the two women on the beach carefully, its a common scene when the sun shines and tell be if there is anything there which constitutes entrapment. Maybe our Muslim friends have it right with the burka and perhaps Mr. Woods would not have been tempted, sans visual stimulation? Whatever your opinion, it takes two to tango! 
There may be multiple opinions regarding the Tiger Woods saga, which displaced just about every news story [up to and including the end of the world, had it happened...] it is interesting to note that two millennia after Jesus death at the hands of Rome, the worm has 'turned' and the blame appears to be heaped upon the male of the species, although to be fair to Woods his pathetic 'celebrity status' played a part. Yet, Woods' many sexual partners have been summarily dismissed as whores. I wonder if they really loved Mr. Woods, or whether the millions of dollars that he has made by hitting little white balls with a stick were the pheromones that melted their hearts and almost simultaneously the elastic in the waistbands of their underwear?
Ms. Elin Woods, as far as this writer can see, is absolutely blameless in this. Examining the body language in a multi-year kaleidoscope of pictures of the Woods' relationship it is obvious that she knew nothing of this threat to her marriage until late 2009. I guess she believed the faithless Tiger when he promised to stop his womanizing once they were engaged to be married.
Monogamous relationships are, according to the polls, difficult for 65% of men and 38% of women. They are particularly tricky for the rich and famous; European Royalty; homosexual churchmen [especially those 'in the closet']; cult leaders [religious and lay]; politicians [regardless of party affiliation] and, of course, traveling salesmen. Here's the rub: male of female, you've got a choice, either be prepared to become monogamous or do not get married. If marriage is not for you please do the world a favour: talk to your doctor about sterilization. Why? Simple: it is always, invariably the kids that suffer. Elin Woods has 20 million dollars guaranteed [and by the time the divorce lawyers have skinned a tiger probably four times that]; she has the support of family and half the citizenry of Sweden, but she will soon be a single Mom. Her two children will grow up without a father and money is no substitute for love; regardless of megachurch teaching.
As for Woods himself: I am not convinced that he is sitting at home eating cold cereal and watching Popeye re-runs; I am sure that he's been advised by his shyster to 'be discreet' and I am equally sure that his neighbours have locked up their daughters and probably their female pets, but with his financial resources, well, who knows...
Last word on the subject: back to the media frenzy. There are many important and scary things going on in this world; it says much about the pathetic nature of humanity when half the world can lose itself for months in mindless speculation and schadenfreude over Tiger Woods' serial infidelity. If this is you, go buy a Tiger Woods endorsed Mickey Mouse watch and some Tiger Brand condoms and call Lesley Madison for heavens sake [Like her 'Edwardian sideboard' legs, her agency never closes] and get a life which is too short. Who knows, you may be able to hook up with Tiger or Angelina or...
For those of you with a bit more common sense pray for the third world and shower your spouse and kids with love and affection. Undeniably, life is too short, and its real treasures are often the ones that we take for granted!
In Christ,
Malachy
Only when we are recreated and readjusted to God through the atonement of Christ that
in deepening this relationship gives life's most fulfilling experience.
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"And now this admonition is for you, O priests. If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honour my name," says the LORD Almighty...
And you will know that I have sent you this admonition so that my covenant with Levi may continue," says the LORD Almighty. "My covenant was with him, a covenant of life and peace, and I gave them to him; this called for reverence and he revered me and stood in awe of my name. True instruction was in his mouth and nothing false was found on his lips. He walked with me in peace and uprightness, and turned many from sin.
"For the lips of a priest ought to preserve knowledge, and from his mouth men should seek instruction - because he is the messenger of the LORD Almighty. But you have turned from the way and by your teaching have caused many to stumble; you have violated the covenant with Levi," says the LORD Almighty. [Malachi 2:1-8]
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